Since entering my teenage years, I’ve encountered numerous life experiences that have profoundly shaped my understanding of who I am and who I might become. These experiences have led me to discover new values and question my mindset, whether it leans towards the positive or negative.
While I am grateful for all these experiences, I haven’t always been pleased with some of them or my reactions to them. One persistent question that lingers in my mind from these teenage encounters is whether I am too narcissistic or not.
Let me explain…
I am a very confident person; I give respect and expect the same from my peers and elders. I have little tolerance for poor behaviour. To me, confidence means standing up for oneself and not accepting disrespect. This often results in me reacting impulsively to others’ actions, leading me to condemn, criticise, and complain, which ultimately affects me.
I have always heard the saying that you cannot control people’s actions, only your reaction to them. I am easily offended by what people say and do, which leads me to avoid friendships, distance myself, or even stop talking to people I once really liked.
This is my way of expressing displeasure, and I have always believed it was the right thing to do. I’ve held the mindset that “If you can’t control yourself, just distance yourself from me, period!” However, as I grew older, I began to question whether this was the ideal approach.
If I am constantly getting offended by people’s bad behaviours and reacting harshly, am I not just disturbing my peace of mind? People will continue to do things that offend me; it’s part of life. So, isn’t it possible for me to consider and just let go of people’s unpleasant manners? I’ve reached a point where I even ask myself whether I have too much ego and pride or if I’m demanding too much respect from others. Living in society, you will inevitably encounter all sorts of people, and some have different mindsets from yours.
In my honest opinion, I feel that I do not have the same level of education as many people in the society I live in; I think that I am more disciplined than many people. In my society, people speak carelessly, adults act like dictators, grown people think they are always right, and employees and staff from supermarkets and shops around feel they have the right to be arrogant, and much more. For someone like me, this is seriously not the society meant for me. If I do not control my reactions, I will end up fighting with 20 different people every day.
To refresh my mindset, I often remind myself that people are not perfect, that they are going through a lot, and that not everyone has emotional intelligence. A lady at the mall who chuckles at you arrogantly because you gave a large amount of money she doesn’t have change for could just be a single mother with kids at home, struggling with her hormones. You never know what people are going through.
I have come to realise that maintaining a positive outlook is essential. People often do things I dislike, yet I might do even worse, and they still engage with me and collaborate. Thus, the key for me is to embrace consideration and positivity; violence cannot resolve violence.
I aim to integrate these values into my mindset to avoid becoming like those in society I criticise. In essence, I still sense a degree of narcissism within myself, but I believe it serves a purpose: to demonstrate self-respect and individuality in a peculiar society.
Nonetheless, I will strive to be more considerate of others’ actions. This doesn’t mean I will reconnect with someone who has offended me unless they hold significant importance in my life. In such cases, I might express my feelings, but if not, we can simply part ways. After all, I didn’t need anyone to survive when I was in my mother’s womb. (Respectfully)
